you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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