last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
