So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
