I wish you could order shots online.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
