PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize