I puked a lego.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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