i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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