So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
