i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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