just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
