I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
