his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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