Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
