I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
