Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
