I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
they're like a gay fantastic four
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
