Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
