I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
