i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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