bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
