Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
