My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
