so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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