No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
