I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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