I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
