so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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