you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
