at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
