I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
