i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
