You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
