just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
