I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
