I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
