Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
