You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
