I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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