I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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