So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
