Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
