I'm lost and stupid without you.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
