Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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