you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
