The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
