Well apparently he's into motor boating.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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