On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
