I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
