Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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