my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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