I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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