Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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