Rock
Scissors
Fuck
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
