You just made me feel so damn special
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
