seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
where am i from again
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
