She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
40s are totally the cure
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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