next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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