guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
