Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
