just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
