yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
