I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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