My nipple is on Facebook.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
