fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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