How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
