I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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