apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
