Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize