just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
