i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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