Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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