i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
