Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
