I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
