I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
