my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
