what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize