So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize