it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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