his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
