i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
